Christmas Buffet at the Spiral :D

Here ye go! :D

I had an excellent night, thanks to the, man-oh-man, exquisite buffet :3
and of course the...you know, company.

Kidding :D going out with the cousins are always fun.

Anyway, Multiply won't let me rotate and label the photos after uploading them, so they are still untouched D: sorry about that.

Disclaimer: There are a bunch of pictures there, scattered about, courtesy of sibling, that is not wholly committed to the title.

In Retrospect

So. Maybe I went a tad too hysterical. Right, haha.
And this is the part where everybody says, 'We told you so,' or mutters 'We knew it all along.'

Anyway, what's done is done. Don't get me wrong though, my stay in UP has been, well, memorable for sure, but I think that perhaps it was so great that it overwhelmed. Who knows? There are no regrets, no shame, just objective dissecting of what went wrong and what is worth remembering. Nothing left to do but to pick up the pieces in front of people who are watching and waiting for my next 'smart' move. The one that's after throwing away the honor and opportunity of being an Iskolar.

Hm. Nope, not moping. In fact, after <quoting Ryan> all the huzzle and buzzle XD, things have settled down and I no longer nurture my sentiments of me against the world and society and conformity and the necessity of college degrees. Yes, that was my line of thinking, and it's stupid. I totally ignored a good friend's advice to not be carried away by... eugh, emotions.

I was wrong, I was wrong. Learn from my act of throwing it all away in the spur of the moment ["College burnout,"  look it up], although I'm pretty sure that you're all more persevering in spirit than I am. But at the same time, I'm glad I'm out of UP (Well, actually, the papers are taking forever to process but it's well on it's way.) It was becoming too stifling. Arki was a fun, fun ride, sure, but I'm talking about the other things. Like the higher sciences, the pressure from peers and family, the pace, the everything.

But it's also possible that the problem lies with me. That wherever I go, my mentality will, too. And that's just sad. So that's why I'm determined that

when the approval for my transfer to UST's CFAD (College of Fine Arts and Design) is given (under the discretion of their dean) I will do my best to protect my determination to see it through. Nothing half-hearted, setting my eyes on the goal, and staying completely, utterly focused.

Hm, that sounds familiar. Actually, I also said something along those lines when I was accepted in UP, and those words were just floating somewhere up there until I yanked them back down and rearranged them into this blog.

'Too bad,' you may be thinking, waiting for a similar fate to swallow me up. But, i think there's something different this time. The goal itself is totally different. After high school, I aspired to be great. I envisioned a future where my touch was like...well, magic. A dream job, a dream everything, and for sure, it truly was a dream D: (bad pun). I was going to use UP as some sort of label that I'd wave in front of future employers and what not. Yes, I am a rotten child.

But of course, along the way, I realized that that was not what I wanted. I didn't want to rely on my college degree for my skills to be recognized (Not exactly humility. I still feel that way somewhat, but it is now much, much milder, thankfully). So, with that realization/justification riled up by my fives, I quit.

Wrong approach, wrong ending. It's hard to tell what my current goal is right now, although I'm pretty sure it's not the one I had when I started attending UP. Not as magnanimous and not as air-headed. I'm starting from the bottom up, and making sure I'm worthy enough to manage the family business.

I've been looking for a real learning experience (did not find it in my physics class) and well, I guess I got it. Do keep me in your prayers (and my mom, she is 200% more stressed than I, the honorably dismissed, am).

Well, that's it. Hopefully you understand that initially I thought I was right, and that it was kind of hard to swallow the realization that I was wrong and stubborn and embarrassed with what happened. But over all, I'd probably do the same thing again if fate accidentally rewinded itself, because what I got from the whole thing is close to priceless :D hahaha. Basta.

PS. Do not comment with comforting words because I am not sad. In fact, I am quite psyched about UST and am crossing my fingers for a successful transfer :D hehe, i save my drama for my momma. And for the blog only on occasion :3

:O

You are Black Panther, who can show rich affection and possess warm motherly tenderness.
You are not cautious person, and are passionate enough to express yourself openly to lead life.
You tend to be hard on yourself, but are kind and devoted to other people.
You prefer to have a career, and play an active part in the society.
You possess strong self-confidence and beliefs.
You put your passing ideas immediately into action.
Therefore you give an impression of daring and person with strong driving force.
You don't bargain so much, and the way in which you act according to your instinct and passion gives feminine attraction.
You use your endless dreams as driving force.
Once you decide on something, you are extremely determined to complete it, and don't care about the public opinions.
It may be good for you to have some kind of modesty and self-examination.
You have great artistic and beauty sense.
You may be suited to have a career as a fashion designer or interior coordinator.
You tend to please everyone besides your family.
Towards your own family, you are hard and nagging.
When you get married you will turn out as a wife who takes control of the household.

i'm convinced! D: HAHA.
http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/

Gaugh D: Goodbye.

For once, I really thought it was the end for me. Literally. Curtains down, bounded for the great adventure, finally off of this pathetic planet.

I began to savor the lazy moments in bed since Monday, because there is simply no other feeling like it in the world. I missed my math classes four times in succession, including today, in preparation for our eventual permanent separation. I scoffed at my books, armed with the blessed mercury as a herald of the final rest that I so wanted.

I gleefully smile at the thought of parting from the things I hated and escaping through the gentle drip of an IV pack of sedatives or through the pleasant shadow of a coma. It was flu. Simply a flu, and yet my mind has taken off to morbid and impossible paths that I embraced so long as I will not have to face the sciences. Three 5’s in my transcript are too much to erase with time.

But, almost symbolically, I broke the thermometer the other night. I accidentally hit it across the table, surprised and unable to trace the droplets of shattered mercury. Then it occurred to me:

Mercury is poison.

There were few droplets on the surface of the table, which I gathered with a piece of tissue paper. I rolled it around, amazed at its properties, both physical and lethal. But, in my dismay, it, too, fell and shattered.

I realized that I was mad, mad in its truest sense. My apathy for things seemed to have grown out of hand, and I have no idea how it came about.

This morning, after a bout of tears (I missed a final exam in the morning, and there is another one later this afternoon which I resolve not to miss), I decided that even if I did get three 5’s this semester (Calculus, Physics, and Lab) I will obtain three 1’s on the next. I unlocked the door and trudged downstairs to where my mom had just scolded me for my neglect and evident irresponsibility before I ran up and locked myself in the room. I felt like crying again when I noticed that she softened a bit and, well, maybe thought that I was trying and that I simply could not do it.

She looked up from her work. “Well?”

“Just give me the fare money. I’ll go to school myself.”

“I thought your next exam was at 1?” I was really thankful she hadn’t got her glasses on, because I was tearing up already.

“W-what am I going to do at home?”

“Well, what are you going to do at school?”

“…study?” I haven’t really thought about it. I just thought that maybe going to school, bane of my existence, would show that I was not afraid of it and can face it by myself.

“I’ll just bring you there at one. Turns out we won’t be making the delivery then. Just take this chance to keep drinking vitamin C.”

“O-okay.” As I was about to go upstairs to cry properly, she told me (in Chinese):

“You know, you can’t keep forcing yourself through Math and Physics. Just shift to PSID, I think that will be better rather than to keep failing. Besides, no one’s forcing you to finish Architecture. You can even just stay at home and help me out. That would be better, even. It’s hard to do things by myself.”

Inside me, then, was a rush of emotions—relief, gratitude, shame, sadness, excitement, anything and everything but apathy. Again I cried, but this time it isn’t out of hopelessness.

In a way, it still was the end. End of madness, end of misery…well, I can’t say what’s in store for me in the next chapter, but, with all tenacity, I will avoid regret.

Haha.

So, first few seconds of Hisaishi Joe's Nocturne. Ehm, yeah.
That's my sister at the back hahaha.

So, what's up?

Ah. If it were some friend that I happened to bump into in the hall/at the tambayan who asked me that million dollar question, I wouldn't have said anything. I'd awkwardly give him a smile and fumble around for some syllables matched with a nod of head. He'd walk off thinking that I do not have a life and would make a mental note to never ask me that question again, or, heck, bother to even strike up a conversation.

But you know, even if I had truthfully answered him, the outcome would have been similar, except I'd feel lighter and he'd be bewildered at the amount of words that can come out of a girl's mouth in response to such an innocent question.

So anyway, I say read on only if you care.

Arch 21: Oh yes, design class. We were tasked to propose two schemes for our current plate, XYZ Bank (okay, just to be clear, I did not make that name up, and it's not as scoff-able as it sounds).

This is my first bank scheme. It looks kind of normal-ish and.. well, boring. But then, that's what a bank looks like!  Anyway, the concept for this one was a bank that follows trends (hence the "in-flux" look of the roof) and yet is anchored in their goals and principles (i say that's what the beams/concrete columns/glass columns at the entrance mean). I thought I color-- ehm, rendered it quite well though :)


This is my second scheme. I based it off the motherboard of a computer, since the bank was supposed to be technologically updated and such. Ehm, yes i am aware they look like rainbows, but actually they are "wires" connected to "computer chips," just like the ones inside your pc. Ey? Ey?

So actually schemes include floor plans, site development, and sections, but since mine were crappy, i think you wouldn't want to waste your time on them. Yes, the plates that took away  more than half of my total sleeping hours for a week are useless.

LOVE: Er, gross subtitle but anyway, I believe I fell in love this month. And then I fell horribly out of it. I think. I still do stupid things, so I guess I'm not totally free yet. Darn. I hate it!

Haha, caught you off guard, didn't I? One moment it was boring plates and then it turned into this-- anyway.

CWTS. So, I have this class I really detest. It's called CWTS. It occurs every Monday, every week through sembreak until November-who-knows-when. It is located in Cubao, held at an obscure museum, which we will eventually renovate. It sounded exciting at first, but it eats up so much time it's abnormal. Augh. I don't blame you, Vanny. I blame myself.. for believing you!

PHYSICS. So I failed my first exam. I wonder, what's the point of being in UP when you fail all the major exams anyway? :/ Right? Right?? Augh.

Aw, I didn't mean to upset you (haha come on, is it too much to ask for empathy?).
Make me smile, please. Hahaha <--yes, blatantly desperate.

I Suck at Making Organized Schedules.

8:30-9:45	CWTS all morning D:	Math 53	Math 53	Math 53	Math 53
		(MB 329)	(MB 329)	(MB 329)	(MB 329)
9:45-10:00		(Travel Time)
10:00-10:30		FA 30		FA 30
10:30-11:00			Arch 17		Physics 71.1
11:00-11:30			(Archi 105A)		(NIP R203)
11:30-12:00
12:00-12:30
12:30-1:00
1:00-1:30		Physics 71	Physics 71	Physics 71	Physics 71
1:30-2:00		(PH 3201-3205)	(PH 3201-3205)	(PH 3201-3205)	(PH 3201-3205)
2:00-2:30
2:30-3:00
3:00-3:30			Arch 6		Arch 6
3:30-4:00
4:00-4:30
4:30-5:00
5:00-5:30		Arch 21		Arch 21
5:30-6:00
6:00-6:30
6:30-7:00
7:00-7:30
7:30-8:00