So. Maybe I went a tad too hysterical. Right, haha.
And this is the part where everybody says, 'We told you so,' or mutters 'We knew it all along.'
Anyway, what's done is done. Don't get me wrong though, my stay in UP has been, well, memorable for sure, but I think that perhaps it was so great that it overwhelmed. Who knows? There are no regrets, no shame, just objective dissecting of what went wrong and what is worth remembering. Nothing left to do but to pick up the pieces in front of people who are watching and waiting for my next 'smart' move. The one that's after throwing away the honor and opportunity of being an Iskolar.
Hm. Nope, not moping. In fact, after <quoting Ryan> all the huzzle and buzzle XD, things have settled down and I no longer nurture my sentiments of me against the world and society and conformity and the necessity of college degrees. Yes, that was my line of thinking, and it's stupid. I totally ignored a good friend's advice to not be carried away by... eugh, emotions.
I was wrong, I was wrong. Learn from my act of throwing it all away in the spur of the moment ["College burnout," look it up], although I'm pretty sure that you're all more persevering in spirit than I am. But at the same time, I'm glad I'm out of UP (Well, actually, the papers are taking forever to process but it's well on it's way.) It was becoming too stifling. Arki was a fun, fun ride, sure, but I'm talking about the other things. Like the higher sciences, the pressure from peers and family, the pace, the everything.
But it's also possible that the problem lies with me. That wherever I go, my mentality will, too. And that's just sad. So that's why I'm determined that
when the approval for my transfer to UST's CFAD (College of Fine Arts and Design) is given (under the discretion of their dean) I will do my best to protect my determination to see it through. Nothing half-hearted, setting my eyes on the goal, and staying completely, utterly focused.
Hm, that sounds familiar. Actually, I also said something along those lines when I was accepted in UP, and those words were just floating somewhere up there until I yanked them back down and rearranged them into this blog.
'Too bad,' you may be thinking, waiting for a similar fate to swallow me up. But, i think there's something different this time. The goal itself is totally different. After high school, I aspired to be great. I envisioned a future where my touch was like...well, magic. A dream job, a dream everything, and for sure, it truly was a dream D: (bad pun). I was going to use UP as some sort of label that I'd wave in front of future employers and what not. Yes, I am a rotten child.
But of course, along the way, I realized that that was not what I wanted. I didn't want to rely on my college degree for my skills to be recognized (Not exactly humility. I still feel that way somewhat, but it is now much, much milder, thankfully). So, with that realization/justification riled up by my fives, I quit.
Wrong approach, wrong ending. It's hard to tell what my current goal is right now, although I'm pretty sure it's not the one I had when I started attending UP. Not as magnanimous and not as air-headed. I'm starting from the bottom up, and making sure I'm worthy enough to manage the family business.
I've been looking for a real learning experience (did not find it in my physics class) and well, I guess I got it. Do keep me in your prayers (and my mom, she is 200% more stressed than I, the honorably dismissed, am).
Well, that's it. Hopefully you understand that initially I thought I was right, and that it was kind of hard to swallow the realization that I was wrong and stubborn and embarrassed with what happened. But over all, I'd probably do the same thing again if fate accidentally rewinded itself, because what I got from the whole thing is close to priceless :D hahaha. Basta.
PS. Do not comment with comforting words because I am not sad. In fact, I am quite psyched about UST and am crossing my fingers for a successful transfer :D hehe, i save my drama for my momma. And for the blog only on occasion :3
