Thoughts

The rainy season is starting. The sky turns into a more ominous shade, the wind howls louder and blows fiercer everyday, drizzles are to be expected every time you step outside, and you never know when a rainstorm might strike.

Even in this tropical isle which many people come to know as the Philippines, the rainy season can bring drastic changes to the temperature.

I shivered. Instantly, I recover past memories of the northern city, Baguio. It is very cold in that area as it is situated on top of a plateau. Families travel to that place during hot summer holidays. It used to be really clean and smell like pine trees, but sadly, it has been overly urbanized into a crowded, stifling place where all you can smell is the black pollution being emitted by public jeeps. I have been there a couple of times, the next visit always better than the last when i was a child, and always worse than the last when I got older and realized how much it had changed.

Sometimes I wish I was back to being that little girl in my memories. Laughing, running about, enjoying a grand family day. But then I tell myself that I never want to go through the things that I did ever again. The events after that ignorant bliss until this day are not worth those few years of happiness and security.

Or were they?

Growing up had ripped off my innocent thinking and instead plunked something heavy, filthy, and curiously metallic in my mind which I perceive as reality.

A failure. A loss. Pain. Betrayal. The continuous battle between forgiveness and pride.

A lesson in everything that reality reels in for us.

I turn the TV on again, hoping that the loneliness would pass.