Christmas Buffet at the Spiral :D

Here ye go! :D

I had an excellent night, thanks to the, man-oh-man, exquisite buffet :3
and of course the...you know, company.

Kidding :D going out with the cousins are always fun.

Anyway, Multiply won't let me rotate and label the photos after uploading them, so they are still untouched D: sorry about that.

Disclaimer: There are a bunch of pictures there, scattered about, courtesy of sibling, that is not wholly committed to the title.

In Retrospect

So. Maybe I went a tad too hysterical. Right, haha.
And this is the part where everybody says, 'We told you so,' or mutters 'We knew it all along.'

Anyway, what's done is done. Don't get me wrong though, my stay in UP has been, well, memorable for sure, but I think that perhaps it was so great that it overwhelmed. Who knows? There are no regrets, no shame, just objective dissecting of what went wrong and what is worth remembering. Nothing left to do but to pick up the pieces in front of people who are watching and waiting for my next 'smart' move. The one that's after throwing away the honor and opportunity of being an Iskolar.

Hm. Nope, not moping. In fact, after <quoting Ryan> all the huzzle and buzzle XD, things have settled down and I no longer nurture my sentiments of me against the world and society and conformity and the necessity of college degrees. Yes, that was my line of thinking, and it's stupid. I totally ignored a good friend's advice to not be carried away by... eugh, emotions.

I was wrong, I was wrong. Learn from my act of throwing it all away in the spur of the moment ["College burnout,"  look it up], although I'm pretty sure that you're all more persevering in spirit than I am. But at the same time, I'm glad I'm out of UP (Well, actually, the papers are taking forever to process but it's well on it's way.) It was becoming too stifling. Arki was a fun, fun ride, sure, but I'm talking about the other things. Like the higher sciences, the pressure from peers and family, the pace, the everything.

But it's also possible that the problem lies with me. That wherever I go, my mentality will, too. And that's just sad. So that's why I'm determined that

when the approval for my transfer to UST's CFAD (College of Fine Arts and Design) is given (under the discretion of their dean) I will do my best to protect my determination to see it through. Nothing half-hearted, setting my eyes on the goal, and staying completely, utterly focused.

Hm, that sounds familiar. Actually, I also said something along those lines when I was accepted in UP, and those words were just floating somewhere up there until I yanked them back down and rearranged them into this blog.

'Too bad,' you may be thinking, waiting for a similar fate to swallow me up. But, i think there's something different this time. The goal itself is totally different. After high school, I aspired to be great. I envisioned a future where my touch was like...well, magic. A dream job, a dream everything, and for sure, it truly was a dream D: (bad pun). I was going to use UP as some sort of label that I'd wave in front of future employers and what not. Yes, I am a rotten child.

But of course, along the way, I realized that that was not what I wanted. I didn't want to rely on my college degree for my skills to be recognized (Not exactly humility. I still feel that way somewhat, but it is now much, much milder, thankfully). So, with that realization/justification riled up by my fives, I quit.

Wrong approach, wrong ending. It's hard to tell what my current goal is right now, although I'm pretty sure it's not the one I had when I started attending UP. Not as magnanimous and not as air-headed. I'm starting from the bottom up, and making sure I'm worthy enough to manage the family business.

I've been looking for a real learning experience (did not find it in my physics class) and well, I guess I got it. Do keep me in your prayers (and my mom, she is 200% more stressed than I, the honorably dismissed, am).

Well, that's it. Hopefully you understand that initially I thought I was right, and that it was kind of hard to swallow the realization that I was wrong and stubborn and embarrassed with what happened. But over all, I'd probably do the same thing again if fate accidentally rewinded itself, because what I got from the whole thing is close to priceless :D hahaha. Basta.

PS. Do not comment with comforting words because I am not sad. In fact, I am quite psyched about UST and am crossing my fingers for a successful transfer :D hehe, i save my drama for my momma. And for the blog only on occasion :3

:O

You are Black Panther, who can show rich affection and possess warm motherly tenderness.
You are not cautious person, and are passionate enough to express yourself openly to lead life.
You tend to be hard on yourself, but are kind and devoted to other people.
You prefer to have a career, and play an active part in the society.
You possess strong self-confidence and beliefs.
You put your passing ideas immediately into action.
Therefore you give an impression of daring and person with strong driving force.
You don't bargain so much, and the way in which you act according to your instinct and passion gives feminine attraction.
You use your endless dreams as driving force.
Once you decide on something, you are extremely determined to complete it, and don't care about the public opinions.
It may be good for you to have some kind of modesty and self-examination.
You have great artistic and beauty sense.
You may be suited to have a career as a fashion designer or interior coordinator.
You tend to please everyone besides your family.
Towards your own family, you are hard and nagging.
When you get married you will turn out as a wife who takes control of the household.

i'm convinced! D: HAHA.
http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/

Gaugh D: Goodbye.

For once, I really thought it was the end for me. Literally. Curtains down, bounded for the great adventure, finally off of this pathetic planet.

I began to savor the lazy moments in bed since Monday, because there is simply no other feeling like it in the world. I missed my math classes four times in succession, including today, in preparation for our eventual permanent separation. I scoffed at my books, armed with the blessed mercury as a herald of the final rest that I so wanted.

I gleefully smile at the thought of parting from the things I hated and escaping through the gentle drip of an IV pack of sedatives or through the pleasant shadow of a coma. It was flu. Simply a flu, and yet my mind has taken off to morbid and impossible paths that I embraced so long as I will not have to face the sciences. Three 5’s in my transcript are too much to erase with time.

But, almost symbolically, I broke the thermometer the other night. I accidentally hit it across the table, surprised and unable to trace the droplets of shattered mercury. Then it occurred to me:

Mercury is poison.

There were few droplets on the surface of the table, which I gathered with a piece of tissue paper. I rolled it around, amazed at its properties, both physical and lethal. But, in my dismay, it, too, fell and shattered.

I realized that I was mad, mad in its truest sense. My apathy for things seemed to have grown out of hand, and I have no idea how it came about.

This morning, after a bout of tears (I missed a final exam in the morning, and there is another one later this afternoon which I resolve not to miss), I decided that even if I did get three 5’s this semester (Calculus, Physics, and Lab) I will obtain three 1’s on the next. I unlocked the door and trudged downstairs to where my mom had just scolded me for my neglect and evident irresponsibility before I ran up and locked myself in the room. I felt like crying again when I noticed that she softened a bit and, well, maybe thought that I was trying and that I simply could not do it.

She looked up from her work. “Well?”

“Just give me the fare money. I’ll go to school myself.”

“I thought your next exam was at 1?” I was really thankful she hadn’t got her glasses on, because I was tearing up already.

“W-what am I going to do at home?”

“Well, what are you going to do at school?”

“…study?” I haven’t really thought about it. I just thought that maybe going to school, bane of my existence, would show that I was not afraid of it and can face it by myself.

“I’ll just bring you there at one. Turns out we won’t be making the delivery then. Just take this chance to keep drinking vitamin C.”

“O-okay.” As I was about to go upstairs to cry properly, she told me (in Chinese):

“You know, you can’t keep forcing yourself through Math and Physics. Just shift to PSID, I think that will be better rather than to keep failing. Besides, no one’s forcing you to finish Architecture. You can even just stay at home and help me out. That would be better, even. It’s hard to do things by myself.”

Inside me, then, was a rush of emotions—relief, gratitude, shame, sadness, excitement, anything and everything but apathy. Again I cried, but this time it isn’t out of hopelessness.

In a way, it still was the end. End of madness, end of misery…well, I can’t say what’s in store for me in the next chapter, but, with all tenacity, I will avoid regret.

Haha.

So, first few seconds of Hisaishi Joe's Nocturne. Ehm, yeah.
That's my sister at the back hahaha.

So, what's up?

Ah. If it were some friend that I happened to bump into in the hall/at the tambayan who asked me that million dollar question, I wouldn't have said anything. I'd awkwardly give him a smile and fumble around for some syllables matched with a nod of head. He'd walk off thinking that I do not have a life and would make a mental note to never ask me that question again, or, heck, bother to even strike up a conversation.

But you know, even if I had truthfully answered him, the outcome would have been similar, except I'd feel lighter and he'd be bewildered at the amount of words that can come out of a girl's mouth in response to such an innocent question.

So anyway, I say read on only if you care.

Arch 21: Oh yes, design class. We were tasked to propose two schemes for our current plate, XYZ Bank (okay, just to be clear, I did not make that name up, and it's not as scoff-able as it sounds).

This is my first bank scheme. It looks kind of normal-ish and.. well, boring. But then, that's what a bank looks like!  Anyway, the concept for this one was a bank that follows trends (hence the "in-flux" look of the roof) and yet is anchored in their goals and principles (i say that's what the beams/concrete columns/glass columns at the entrance mean). I thought I color-- ehm, rendered it quite well though :)


This is my second scheme. I based it off the motherboard of a computer, since the bank was supposed to be technologically updated and such. Ehm, yes i am aware they look like rainbows, but actually they are "wires" connected to "computer chips," just like the ones inside your pc. Ey? Ey?

So actually schemes include floor plans, site development, and sections, but since mine were crappy, i think you wouldn't want to waste your time on them. Yes, the plates that took away  more than half of my total sleeping hours for a week are useless.

LOVE: Er, gross subtitle but anyway, I believe I fell in love this month. And then I fell horribly out of it. I think. I still do stupid things, so I guess I'm not totally free yet. Darn. I hate it!

Haha, caught you off guard, didn't I? One moment it was boring plates and then it turned into this-- anyway.

CWTS. So, I have this class I really detest. It's called CWTS. It occurs every Monday, every week through sembreak until November-who-knows-when. It is located in Cubao, held at an obscure museum, which we will eventually renovate. It sounded exciting at first, but it eats up so much time it's abnormal. Augh. I don't blame you, Vanny. I blame myself.. for believing you!

PHYSICS. So I failed my first exam. I wonder, what's the point of being in UP when you fail all the major exams anyway? :/ Right? Right?? Augh.

Aw, I didn't mean to upset you (haha come on, is it too much to ask for empathy?).
Make me smile, please. Hahaha <--yes, blatantly desperate.

I Suck at Making Organized Schedules.

8:30-9:45	CWTS all morning D:	Math 53	Math 53	Math 53	Math 53
		(MB 329)	(MB 329)	(MB 329)	(MB 329)
9:45-10:00		(Travel Time)
10:00-10:30		FA 30		FA 30
10:30-11:00			Arch 17		Physics 71.1
11:00-11:30			(Archi 105A)		(NIP R203)
11:30-12:00
12:00-12:30
12:30-1:00
1:00-1:30		Physics 71	Physics 71	Physics 71	Physics 71
1:30-2:00		(PH 3201-3205)	(PH 3201-3205)	(PH 3201-3205)	(PH 3201-3205)
2:00-2:30
2:30-3:00
3:00-3:30			Arch 6		Arch 6
3:30-4:00
4:00-4:30
4:30-5:00
5:00-5:30		Arch 21		Arch 21
5:30-6:00
6:00-6:30
6:30-7:00
7:00-7:30
7:30-8:00

A Humbling Experience

So I failed my Math 53. Yes, I know, sappy blog title, but what else do i call this thingh?  D: A nasty surprise? Hardly. After the last two exams came out and both grades did not even add up to a passing grade, hope was a like a flickering match in the middle of a rainstorm being spit on by Sir Dimabayao and stamped on for good measure. Heck, that was an understatement.

Now my transcript contains a searing 5 plus a 3 from my Math 14. Only mathematics can make me feel so inadequate. Meh. Thankfully though, there are second, third, fourth, etc chances (if you take tuition out of the goshdarn equation). But then I do hope I'll hold out at my second shot next semester. Whee.

I have blogged! :O

Kat's 18th

Held at the Grand Terrace, it was amazing! D: i mean...like...woah. HAHA.
AnGALING sobra ni Kats, the band was uber KHEWL, and.. ewan, nakakabitin siya! hahaha! I hope Kat will have a second debut on her 36th!! Nuhuhu!! :D

THANK YOU KATS for giving me one of the most enjoyable nights of my life! :)
Happy birthday!! ^____^

Tagged By She Who Draws

TEN RANDOM FACTS OF SHE WHO ALSO DRAWS

1. I read the dictionary for fun.
2. I own and meticulously tend to an aquarium containing two dragonfins, which I satiate with guppies everyday. <3
3. I am really bad at math. It can make me cry.
4. I am a learner of the piano, the violin, and the japanese language.
5. This may sound odd, but I can't memorize how I look like. I seem to.. look different everyday._.
6. I haven't really watched anything in the cinemas since Transformers.
7. I do not really like talking about myself. (Just like I am doing now. >_> Thanks a lot.)
8. I do not like eating (or cooking) fish. Hm, I'd rather keep them in a tank.
9. Currently I am (desperately) training my mind to think positively.
10. I <3 bikes.

TAGGING: MICH!

To People Who Despise the Sun

A poem with many relevant meanings for those who have seen better days.

To People Who Despise the Sun

You cannot hide from the summer.
If you close the door behind you
And draw the blinds, even,
It will disguise itself as a bird’s song
Or a peddler’s bell that permeates your walls
And leads you to push down a fading filter
And peer out with a grim disposition.

You take in what you can
Until the scene sears and sickens.
That is when you hurriedly withdraw
And hide yourself in the corner of a closet,
Where no sunlight ever reaches, except
In your brave visual venture, which stays
As a memory, and may trigger a bit of pain.

Eventually you will have to step out
And leave the cool, dry shadows
For the hot, humid wetness of
The inescapable that pricks your skin
And smothers you with heat.
Your swollen tongue lolls impatiently
And your limbs feel restless.

Take heart, soon the sun will have to set—
Even if it takes longer than usual.
Then you embrace the damp and the darkness
Which keep away the memories that drag.
Stay awake—scarce is a moment like this
That gives solace. Soon you will be seen outside
Celebrating the short-lived night.

P(t)oast to Vanny

This is not some tribute to vanity if by any chance you were misled by the title. Anyway, everybody's welcome to view, if in case you are interested to see how... particularly quirky I've become after a few days of madness.

First Off! The Sons of Basilio photos I owe you, Vanessa. (For those who aren't Vanessa, let me explain. One fateful day, she gave me this funny looking egg, and it turns out it has plant-fetus inside! Khewl. So now i'm raising them. This is all in lieu of my past writing <beware shameless plugging here> about an Egg Tree, which I will add, for no reason at all, is found here in my multiply.) I've been documenting their lives for the first few days, stealing shots here and there. Some weren't flattering, but there really is nothing they can do about it, is there.

Alright, that was taken on the onset of uh.. germination? Meh. I was actually surprised that there were four of them. Yes, I expected only one basil plant. Now I have three more mouths to f--water. Hee. Thank you for this utter joy of faux-motherhood (which I will pronounce in French as faw-maudh-whee. Say it with me!)

Ok, so now they grow a bit. And notice how much water I've put! (I just did that for show.)
Kidding! Stop experiencing mock-cardiac arrests! I drown them every single day.


Here is the demo of the 'exercise' I've been telling you about. See how they stretch to reach the light? I discovered that one day, and was quite frustrated to find that no matter where I place them, they always bend. Always. I thought this was unhealthy. So I took it upon myself to make sure that it was all...balanced. Hence, everyday I rotate them so that they wouldn't suffer from any plant-version of a stiff neck. Wonderful.
Isn't that a pretty shot? You can sort of see now who the big brothers are (no allusion whatsoever to that television show which i do not watch, but secretly despise).

Okay! So this is the last shot. They are actually a lot bigger now than they are here in this picture, but it seemed to me that they seemed to be immensely depressed lately. Their leaves just sag like that obscene CSA rat-mache. I didn't have the heart to immortalize them in that state. I suspect it's the lack of space. They're growing children after all, it might be a little cramped in there (I will buy them pots soon). But then it also occurred to me that if I had to live in something like that (points) I'd probably be a little down, too (if not mad).

TAKE A LOOKIE! >>>>>


That's my arm, by the way. An arm that has been touched by Vanny's artistic genius! (Hm, well, technically, mine, because that balloon animal was my idea). But anyway, who cares about credit? Not me. So anyway, the first shot is the outer part of my arm. And initially, that was the only thing Vanny did. But *RARZORS! Vanny got this brilliant idea to draw on the other side of my arm, wherein if i twisted my arm outward (imagine that), I get to 'pop' the balloon animal. Gut-splaying galore.

*Taken from Vanny's vocabulary.

The next object you are about to see would be (according to my post) the sixth thing that had recently made me happy. The lamination. Only, it hasn't been laminated yet in this...rather bad shot. So anyway, I did this for the birthday of a friend of mine, who I fondly call 'Goldfish', 'Goldpishz', '(insert other variant),' and she calls me the same thing. Although, ever since I cut my hair, she's been calling me an 'Ex-Goldfish.' Haha. I found that pretty clever.

And you have to know, the (according to my post) fifth thing that had recently made me happy was the one that inspired me to do this! I will humor you and mention what it is: Abstract illustrations made by some fanatical egoist.
Vanny, I may not understand all your metaphorical riddles, but what say you to my figurative art?
*feels smug and disregards that fact that you do figurative art too*

This morning I was tasked (by my OC sister) to fix my messy papers, materials, and closet. Knowing me, (hm, well, you probably don't) I don't really care where I chuck my things, but by some strange force, I do know where they are. But then I felt sorry for my sister. She's probably strained by my mess, so I get up at 5 am this morning and resolved to fix my things. And HUZZAH!

Although I really am not comfortable showing this rather personal photo to the public, I am quite proud of arranging my hanged clothes by color. Even the hangers!! Oh. Even. The. HANGERS. (I am such a coughcoolcough freak!) That's the neatest my closet has been EVER, even my sister got envious!!

So I sift through my childhood memorabilia (in me closet, yes) and guess what I found:
A badge, Vanessa, a badge! (Inward groan) I never knew I had one. And I'm giving it to you, for being such a Pokemon addict. I think you've earned a coughuncoolcough badge like this one. Pin it on you for all the world to see!!

So anyway, I hope I've delighted you, even just a little :D

Taggehd *o*

TEN THINGS THAT MADE ME HAPPY recently.

1 Xa's Debut! ^____^ it was really, really great! Hahaha.
2 Meanness...  :> Ang mean ko dun sa Ball-Star Dancers (?) !! Pero,.. well... sila eh!!
3 Fishes. Apat na goldfish namiin ^_______^
4 Me hair:D
5 Abstract illustrations made by some fanatical egoist. Ha.
6 A certain lamination I made :D
7 LAVENIIIRS
8 Cake :3
9 Mich!!! Yes! You are a happy thingh!! Hahaha.
10 THIS TAAG. Oooh, yes. Do it, and you will be haappyy :)

Hence, I tag: VANNY, Merri, Drei, Patrick, Hannah, Geo :D

hair CUT!!

tun dun dun!! parang horror! hahaha.

well, well. it's gone. most. of. it. weeee!
it is a physical manifestation of change, a disguise, a step closer to the quest. for. IDENTITY!! D:

gyaah! this is how i look now. (pissed) haha. for the benefit of those, who will not see me, anymore, anytime soon.

chka para hindi kayo magulat! i mean, magugulat kayo now tas,.. there! :D

i can finally comb/run my hand through my hair nowzz!! :D

Pampanga Trip 8D

and amateur photography 8I

painstakingly uploaded *_*
enjoy:D

Ode to the Use of Imagery :3

     Rules:

* Answer the questions below.
* Take each answer and type it into Google.
* Take a picture from the first page of results and post.
* You can't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you.

1. The age you will be on your next birthday:
>>Vanessa!! It's Mahalakshmi! Har. Reminiscent of a certain..ehrm..class.

2. A place you'd like to travel:


3. Your favorite place:

4. Your favorite food:



5. Your favorite animal:

Your favorite color:


7. The first name of your significant other:

8. The town in which you live:

9. Your nickname/screen name:
10. Your first job:



11. A bad habit you have:

12. Your worst fear:

I tag MICHELLE! MERRI! VANESSAAA! :D and PATRICK!! (double-tagged!)
nyahaha :3

Possible Cases When Cramming For a Plate

Here we observe cases possible in the event that a student crams for a major plate.

GIVENS: Submission of plates at 2PM today. All that is accomplished is the pencil draft of floor plans. We need 2 site plans, 1 perspective, 1 section, and 2 elevations.

CASE 1. Oversleeping.
    Example. I slept at 12 last night, intending to wake up at three in the morning, but waking up, aghast, at eight.
       CASE 1a. The alarm volume was too low.
       CASE 1b. The person sleeping near me turned off the offending alarm.
       CASE 1c. I subconsciously hit the off button.

CASE 2. Your drawing pen ink may run out.
    Example. Halfway through my second-floor plan, my 0.1 pen (which a use for door swings and other such imaginary elements) ran out of ink.
       CASE 2a. I use that pen a lot for non-drafting purposes.
       CASE 2b. It is just for a moment. The ink will resume after you have inked imaginary elements with your 0.3.

CASE 3. The deadline may be extended.
    Example. By 1.30, I find out that it is moved to 4pm.

CASE 4. You may not have time to take a bath.
    Example. Remember, these are merely possibilities.

CASE 5. It is your best friend's birthday.
    Example. Today is my Michelle's birthday, and I haven't forgiven myself yet.

CASE 6. There may be other requirements due that day.
    Example. An Arch 16 paper is also due today, until 5:30PM. It was the fastest Arch 16 paper I have ever written, and it was also the one I like best.
       CASE 6a. You have run out of A4 sized paper, which is one of the requirements.
       CASE 6b. You have no time to cut your A3 in half.
       CASE 6c. You resort to bond paper, hoping the prof's angel won't tell.

CASE 7. There is a Math 14 Exam tomorrow.
    Example. It isn't a problem, really, seeing as I went through CASE 1.

CASE 8. This event may prove traumatic.
    Example. I swear to never ever cram my plates again. This does not include exams. Please refer to CASE 7 for my next predicament.

Huzzah! Alyssa at 18!:D

it was fun:3 too bad i wore a gown that stopped me from dancing. arg.
but i guess it was a good thing for the people who were watching.

Repression is a Vice

Somebody murdered my inner child.
It happened sometime in the night, with a stabbing knife that was meant for me.

The child was on the throes of death while I lay peacefully sleeping, and I woke up to find that things were not as they were before. Sunlight had filtered through the blinds, stale and indifferent.

(Is this how I’ll be seeing the world from now on?)

I did not know at the time that I’ve already lost her, and maybe you can imagine a little how I felt when I did find out.

I saw her, then. She was about sixteen, with dark locks and slender fingers. I could not tell whether her gray eyes were inherent, if it was because of death, or if she had them because she was stark and empty inside. There was no blood. Only sadness, and mute bewilderment.

I gently guided her lids shut. Her lips formed a small frown; her skin, a ghostly white. And I realize, aghast, that I was the cause of her sallow condition.

She was young, free-willed…beautiful. But I chose to believe that my fears do exist, and that I was no better than anybody. She was neglected, unappreciated—by me—and yet she chose to save me, to end her life for my sake.

It was a death she did not deserve. What she deserved is happiness, freedom, life…and yet, she received none of it.

I walked around the city, empty. I imagine her cringing every time I walked looking down at the pavement, when I should’ve held my head high. Sick of me thinking that everybody is quietly judging my every move. Deprived of love. Weary of hoping. I lost touch with her, and all she could do is hug herself in a corner inside my body, living off the little warmth I have.

Perhaps she wanted to die. Maybe I deserve to know what it’s like to lose my inner child. I suppose she did not want to exist anymore, and died in my place for her own sake.

I went back and I watched her until she was no more than a faint flicker; and when she was gone, a cold wind dried away the trails of my tears.

I walk out of the apartment building. I stroll down the streets and notice something different. An old man was sitting on a bench, feeding pigeons. Beside him a little boy smiles adoringly at the plump birds. A woman sits on a bench, contemplating the pavement. In front of her a teenager, staring her right in the face—upset. There are children everywhere—smiling, tugging, clinging, frowning…crying.
 

They are happy. Miserable. Indifferent.
It was easy to tell.